Helpful information on Bullying and Support for Parents
Our Children suffer from bullying at an alarming rate. Although there are statistics on the numbers of children experiencing bullying, we know that the numbers are not accurate because bullying is largely under reported. Still, the numbers are staggering. Over 5.7 million (30%) of U.S. youth are known to be involved in bullying.
A recent national survey of students in grades 6-10 reported the following: 13% reported bullying others; 11% reported being bullied; and 6% admitted to having been bullied before becoming a bully themselves. Moreover, in interviews with several principals and teachers in Kindergarten through 5th grade schools, I hear the problem is growing… and the bullies and the bullied are experiencing these behaviors at younger ages.
Common questions about Bullying:
Q: How can I know if my child is being bullied?
A: Kids often find it impossible to talk to anyone when bullying occurs because it is deeply associated with feelings of guilt and shame. Here are some of the signs: Physical- unexplained injuries; general symptoms of ill health due to stress (e.g. stomach aches, headaches, colds, feeling too sick to go to school, bedwetting); Emotional- reactive mood swings (e.g. becoming withdrawn or becoming aggressive/hostile, too much and too little energy, tearfulness, anxious, depressed); Behavioral- withdrawing into self and/or lashing out, self-harming, and eating disorders.
Children who are bullied tend to be anxious, insecure, and overly cautious, commonly suffering from low self-esteem. These children rarely defend themselves or retaliate when confronted by the bully. Often the targets of bullies are kids that have some difference or “don’t fit in” with the “popular” kids. Bullying can be devastating. The long-term impact for children who are bullied may not be clear, but researchers are beginning to say that those who were bullied as children have higher rates of depression and suicide.
Q: How can I know if my child is a bully?
A: Physical indicators include being overtly physical and confrontational with adults and peers; Emotional- inability to empathize with others, inability/refusal to accept responsibility for actions, a tendency to related to others in a negative way; Behavioral- having an exaggerated high self-opinion, and have a strong desire to control others.
There is the idea that bullies act tough in order to hide feelings of insecurity and self-loathing. While this may be true in some cases, the fact is that bullies tend to be more confident with higher self-esteem than many of their peers. Surprisingly, they typically have little to no trouble making friends, friends that share their pro-violence attitudes. However, these friends are often followers that do not initiate bullying, but participate in it by keeping an eye out for adults, and/or participate once the bully has the target under his/her control. Both boys and girls can become bullies. They tend to be easily angered and impulsive, having a low tolerance for frustration. Bullies are also more likely to fight and use drugs than their peers. Further, there appears to be a strong relationship between bullying other students and experiencing later legal and criminal problems as an adult.
Q: What can I do if I suspect my child is being bullied or is bullying other children?
A: Talk to your child about her/his experiences. You may suspect something is wrong or have been contacted by your child’s school. The worst thing you can do is ignore the problem. It can be extremely difficult to be calm in these situations because you are emotionally involved, but it will be important that you try to explain your concerns and fears in a manner that is not threatening or overly emotional. You can also make contact with your child’s teacher to get a dialog going that will foster awareness and prevention of the problem.
Parenting Classes
I can also offer you support. Besides counseling to promote self-esteem and other social skills in those children being bullied, and promoting empathy and healthier social skills in those bullying, I also work with parents to teach them ways to better support and understand their child.
Let me teach you more about the risk factors and how to protect your child. I have helped many parents through the process of intervening and managing the aftermath. You may also need help to work with your child’s teacher/school to promote prevention and safety.
Group classes and individual family sessions are both available.
Contact me for more information.